A little while ago my roommate and I went to California to see the What We Said live podcast. (You can read all about that trip here and listen to the episode here). The episode was focused on friendship and relationships but also looped back to confidence, aka the relationship with yourself. Chelsea and Jaci asked their guests: how do you find confidence? As soon as I heard the question I was like… does anyone ever find confidence? Is it that one day you wake up and suddenly you have it? It was a weird thought to me that someone could just find something so intangible. Immediately I realized: confidence isn’t a destination, it is a journey.
In my early teens I think I went looking for confidence in two things: my body image and admiration from others. These two things culminated at one specific instance: when I went with my then boyfriend to Florida for spring break. I remember dieting and working out for weeks beforehand because I was determined to feel good enough in a bikini to take a picture and for people around me (specifically him) to tell me how great I looked. For your enjoyment here is that picture from Florida (please enjoy that the picture I was anticipating for months ended up being out of focus).
But back to this California trip. The day after the podcast my roommate and I were determined to take some bikini pics on the beach (sound familiar?). We had both toned up a lot over the last year and after the Whole 30 challenge we wanted to have a marker to the end; these pictures. So we took them. And for the first time in YEARS I felt good. I was happy with how I looked but I wouldn’t say I felt confident.
I think we tend to forget that confidence isn’t one sided. It isn’t just your appearance that makes you confident. The day before we left I faced some prettty hard rejection so of course that effects my confidence. But at least I looked good in a bikini. *shrug* The beauty in it all is I don’t believe that confidence is tied to happiness. I feel happy without feeling confident, can you relate? Does that makes sense? (I feel like every blog post I ask that rhetorical question but it makes me feel better.)
So we’ll keep going. Combing through our own minds to help determine what gets us closer to this intangible confidence. Maybe one day we’ll wake up confident and the rest will melt away but that feels rather idealistic, doesn’t it? Today I am confident in my soul and body… but still working on my mind. In what areas do you feel confident today? Write them down, comment on my Instagram. I want to know. Brag a little.